Santa Muerte

Interest in the Santa Muerte has finally taken off in the UK and I have a small stock of Santa Muerte items that will allow you to create an altar to the Dark Goddess in your home. As far as I am aware I am the only seller of Santa Muerte merchandise in the UK and I have no idea when new supplies will arrive.

The Secrets of the Santa Muerte

This book gives a brief history of the Dark Goddess, before telling the readers everything they need to know about the spells and incantations that are used by her adherents. This is a must-have book for anyone who wishes to enter into the service of the Dark Lady of the Shadows and receive the benefits that she bestows upon her followers.

Available from Amazon and all good bookshops, a signed copy of The Secrets of the Santa Muerte can be yours for just £10.00 plus P&P. Just drop me a line and let me know if you want a special dedication to someone and then wait for the postman to deliver your exclusively signed copy.

Statuettes

These 5" statues are perfect for a small altar in a tiny flat, and since they are moulded in one piece they are virtually unbreakable. Black is the traditional colour of the Santa Muerte but as you can see, I also have the rainbow statuettes as well.

Each and very statuette, no matter what size has been charged with sacred seeds in its base and then blessed with the secret words of power by a Santa Muerte adept as part of the production process in the Mexican artisan workshops.

The 5" statuettes sell for just £15.00, plus P&P.

I have a small stock of 7" black statuettes that show the Dark Goddess with a scythe. They are made from the same acrylic as the small statuettes but are hollow inside and so weigh less.

The 7" statuettes sell for £20.00 plus P&P.

Finally, certainly as far as statuettes are concerned, I present the 9" rainbow beauty of which I only have a couple available.

These statuettes sell for £25.00 plus P&P.

Double-Sided Amulets

A double-sided cloth amulet showing the Santa Muerte in black on one side and red on the other would be perfect as part of your altar rituals. The amulets are 4" long and 3" wide and are rare, even in Mexico. They are made in small sewing shops by female adepts and blessed by them before being offered for sale.

The amulets sell for £10.00 plus P&P

Conjuration Cards

Conjuration cards are very common in Santa Muerte worship with the large 4" x 3" ones often to be found on an altar. The reverse of each card contains a prayer or spell in Spanish.

Four large conjuration cards are priced at just £5.00

Small 3" x 2" cards are often carried in the wallet or purse and each one comes in its own plastic wallet. 

The set of 12 cards costs £10.00 plus P&P.

Incense

Incense is used a lot in Mexican rutuals with most people using standard church incense. However, specially blessed Santa Muerte incense sticks are available and I have a small stock of them here in the UK. Each pack contains 20 sticks and they are used for special rituals such as love, domination, attraction etc. Please drop me a line and I will tell you what I have in stock on the day as my supplies of incense are running low.

A pack of 20 incense sticks sells for £5.00 plus P&P.

Postage and Packing:

The book on its own, an amulet or the conjuration cards can be sent for £2.50 P&P. I could probably get the book and the cards into one envelope for that price, but if you wanted all three the price would be £5.00 for  a large letter.

Anything else needs to go as a parcel at a cost of £10.00. However, for that price I could get pretty much everything into one box and it would be sent to be signed for at your end, so there is no danger of it getting lost in transit.

How to order:

Drop me an email with your wishlist and I will let you know if the items are available.

Your payment can then be made via PayPal - ask me for the email address - and your items will be in the post as soon as possible. Remember: all parcels will be sent via registered post so you will get a tracking number and have to sign for the delivery.

¡Asi Sea!

How to Play With the Federast Mind at the Edinburgh Fringe

The federast mind is truly a joy to behold and then laugh at. The other day I was glugging a pint or three outside a pub on Edinburgh's Royal Mile when three couples arrived and began to look at the list of beers that were on a board by the door.

"I don't know what 80/- means," said one girl who made up for her lack of knowledge with large breasts.

"The forward slash is the symbol for shillings I told her," being the decent soul that I am.

"Why is it called that?"

"Well, 'cos that was the tax paid on a barrel of the stuff back in the day," I replied. "Although these days it costs more than 80 bob for a pint of it," I concluded, ever willing to be helpful.

"What exactly is a shilling?" 

"It's a twentieth of a pound, back when we had real money."

"Oh."

"Better start to get used to it, as after we leave the EU all that is coming back," I said. I think the Devil was inspiring me.

"Noooo! You cannot be serious! You're joking, aren't you?

"I'm dead serious, first we get Fahrenheit back, then imperial weights and measures and then pounds. shillings and pence," I said, with my best poker face. 

"I've never heard that," said one of the blokes, in that languid drawl that the English middle class has which makes the rest of us feel murderous.

"You can trust me, I said, pointing to my Brexit T-shirt. "I'm part of the Brexit team that's working on it."

I was expecting them to burst out laughing at this, congratulate me on being a fine wag and then buy me a pint, or at least join me at the table so I could continue getting an eyeful of the girl with the bouncers but they just started looking at one another before drifting away from both the pub and me.

So, if you read in the Guardian that the Brexiteers are planning to restore the old British currency, you will know that the tale started from wicked old Uncle Ken who made it up one day in Edinburgh during the Festival.

Edinburgh Fringe Time Rolls Around Again

If it's August then it's Edinburgh Festival time when the English middle-class come up here to laugh at the same jokes, read the same publicity for the same shows published in the Guardian and tell each other how diverse they all are.

Yes, I know, you do see the odd Japanese or Indian tourist looking very bewildered by it all, but most ethnic types are to be found sweeping the streets or serving behind the bars. Think of South Africa in the old days, but without the legal enforcement and you will have a very good idea of what this city is like in August.

The satirists are still regurgitating their shows from two years ago, and still don't get the notion that satire is about sticking the boot into power, not pandering to the prejudices of those who already have it. I would find the idea of edgy satire far edgier and a lot more satirical if it took the piss out of the privileged Guardianistas, but nevermind. The Edinburgh Fringe would not be what it is if it did not involve thousands of people reinforcing their values to one another. 

This character gave a good impression of Donald Trump, Laughing at the real Trump's voter who are people who haven't had a pay rise in real terms for over a generation and who the real Trump is providing jobs for thanks to his protectionist policies, is something that the well-fed Fringers just love doing.

Give this fellow credit for not trying to be edgy, just entertaining. For a tip, he will knock out a one-page poem or short story for you. I heard him explain to one putative punter of about his own age that actually it was really hard because if you made a mistake you couldn't just press the non-existent backspace key and delete it. How did the world manage without personal computers? 

I reflected on that as I made my way to the pub to get the taste of a city chock full of sanctimonious, self-righteous, middle-class gits out of my mouth with a pint of beer.