Can We Get Stormy Daniels to Come to Britain?

Back in the day when the Monica Lewinsky scandal was breaking I was offered a signed photo of Bill Clinton's favourite cigar holder but turned down the offer, a mistake that I did not make with Stormy Daniels. Thanks to Behind The Scenes, a major British autograph supplier I have the above-signed photo of Stormy at a price that can only be described as a steal compared to what the Americans are paying for this lady's autograph.

Say what you like about Donald Trump, but he has a fine taste in sleazy females. I mean, he's not only married to the only First Lady who has flashed her rack all over the web, but she also has a rack worth flashing, unlike almost all of the previous presidential wives who have occupied the White House. All I can say about any of them, excluding Jackie Kennedy, is thank God they stayed clothed when the cameras were around.

Sad to relate, but Melania Trump looks to me as if she is trying to put her checkered past behind her and start the slow, steady decline into respectability. Sure, she has a long way to go, but that seems to be her aim, more's the pity.

You cannot say the same about Stormy, which is why this post is about her. I dunno about you but I would just love to grab hold of Stormy's knockers, one in each hand, lift 'em upwards and outwards, and then stick my head between 'em and go brrrrrrr.

By all accounts, Trump is due to pay a state visit to the UK later on this year, so what are the chances of Stormy coming over as well?

I have written to her asking just that question. If I get a reply then you will be the first to know!

Now the Snowflakes Want to Change the Spanish Word for Black as They Think It's Racist

Allow me to introduce the people of Britain to the very lovely Becky Macias, 18, who lives in Detroit, Michigan, and is a native Spanish speaker:

Becky has a dog and had she named the mutt in English he would probably be called Blackie, but because she is Hispanic she used the Spanish word, which is Negro. 

Negro went missing and Becky was so upset that she put out an appeal for her dog on Twitter:

That was when her problems began as you can see if you follow the Twitter feed at this link. In a nutshell, people who do not speak Spanish decided that the Spanish word for black is inherently and wickedly waycist. Presumably, they will shortly start an online petition to get all Spanish speakers to stop using the word because a bunch of monolingual mental defects thinks that Spanish and English are just the same.

The good news is that Negro came home of his own accord and Becky is very happy about that:

The bad news is that these fuckwits are out there in Britain as well. They have crappy "degrees" from even crappier institutions that are now allowed to degrade the name university. They do local-government non-jobs and voted to keep the UK in the European Union. Their stupidity knows no bounds and they infest the web with their inanities.

We must not argue with them. We must treat them with utter and total contempt and let our mockery wash over them until they learn to shut they fat, stupid, semi-educated cakeholes around us for fear of receiving yet more of our mockery.

Our advice to Federasts and Snowflakes is simple, and is summed up with this little meme:

Can Henry Bolton Turn UKIP around?

The above cartoon is being passed around Westminster by Tory members who may be counting their chickens far too early. It is quite possible that Henry Bolton may do a Corbyn routine and surprise everyone by defying UKIP's senior figures and putting the shambolic party into some sort of order, with the support of his party's rank and file.

Britain needs a party of protest, a role that was carried out very well indeed by the Liberal-Democrats until 2010. Then they decided that they were actually a serious party, so joined in a coalition with the Tories, voted to increase student fees, along with raising the pension age and doing over the claimants. They paid the price for that in 2015 and were given an extra dose of stuffing two years later. 

So, the political vacuum is there and UKIP could be the party to fill it. The Kippers are helped by the fact that they are now the party of hard Brexit, which gives them a very unique selling point indeed since there are a lot of people who just want to be rid of the whole EU debate. They voted to leave the EU and cannot understand why the government has not told Brussels to take its hook.

A streamlined UKIP would still not win many seats, but that is not the job of a protest party, is it? What UKIP could do is take votes off both main parties and continue to keep the political system off-balance and force both Labour and Tory to adopt a far harder line with the EU than they have hitherto been willing to do.

  Bolton has two things going for him. The first, funnily enough, is Jo Marney, his rather sexy bit of totty pictured above in all her glory who is clearly enamoured with the middle-aged, balding, former army captain. She may offend the Guardian reading wankerati, but such people are never going to vote for UKIP, anyway, so they can be ignored. 

Having access to Jo's assets gives our Henry a Trumpian type aura that offends the people who should be offended and makes millions of others chortle with delight at the randy old rogue. Just as Donald Trump is able to shrug off the howls of the people who have always hated him, not least because he gets decent talent like Stormy Daniels to lie down for him and then shows no signs of being embarrassed by his horizontal actions. Bolton can do likewise just so long as he remembers that Trump does not try to appeal to the wankier element in American society. He knows where his bedrock is to be found and he speaks only to them. Henry Bolton must do the same - and take the luscious Jo with him as a giant two-fingered salute to the British wankerati. Just so long as she is told to keep her pretty mouth shut, that is.

However, before that can happen, Bolton needs to structure UKIP professionally. He should remember that what kept the Liberals alive during the dark post-war years was the fact that they had an organisation to fall back on. The Social Democrats didn't, which is why the Liberals were able to swallow the SDP pretty much whole when it came to unifying both parties.

If Bolton can turn UKIP into more of a British army battalion, and less of a ragtag guerilla band that it is at the moment, then his battle will have been won. That means getting rid of the big swinging egos who will oppose any leader because they think that they can do a better job than him and just cannot understand why nobody else happens to agree with them. 

Nigel Farage, who is still the best asset that UKIP has, seems to be supporting Bolton in this and if Arron Banks, the money man behind UKIP when Farage led it can be brought onside, then the Banks/Farage plan to create a new hard Brexit pressure group may be put on hold to give our Henry a chance.

The next step will be the special conference that will be called to try and unseat Bolton. If he can appeal directly to the rank and file at that conference, then UKIP will be his and he can streamline and professionalise it. The party could be structured as Farage wanted to structure his pressure group into one that mimics both the Tories and New Labour. The membership will have no real control over anything, with policy being made at the national level as it is with the Tories. Focus groups would then be used to decide policy, an idea that was stolen from New Labour.

It all sounds very simple, but Nigel Farage was not able to turn UKIP's chaos into order, and neither were the two leaders who followed him, although they both tried. Henry Bolton might be more successful because so many senior figures have resigned over his affair with Jo Marney.

Britian needs a protest party and UKIP can still be it, if Henry Bolton can seize his moment.

With UKIP on the Verge of Collapse, Nigel Farage May Be Set for a Comeback

Today has been a fun day for UKIP watchers, with the party's national executive committee voting unanimously for a no-confidence motion in the leader, Henry Bolton.

How this came about is due to some texts that Jo Marney, Henry's admittedly rather delightful mistress sent which criticised Prince Harry's choice of an American bride. 

Those texts were leaked by Annabelle Fuller, the former mistress of the former leader, Nigel Farage. So the current lover of the current UKIP leader was done over by the former lover of the former leader - are you with me as far as we've come?

Jolly good! Now then, the rumour has it that Farage knew about this plot and has plans of his own to set up a UKIP Mark Two if Bolton resigns. The point is that UKIP is on its beam-end financially and cannot even afford to pay its leader a salary, so another leadership election is pretty much out of the question. Thus if UKIP does fold there will be a space on the political spectrum for a hard Brexit outfit that is not made up of anally retentive cardigan wearers who all seem to be married to women with cruel perms.

The idea would be to have a movement that is directed centrally with local associations that do as they are told, a set-up that is obviously based on the one used by the Conservatives. If it becomes popular then it may morph into a political party that would run candidates, but their selection would be kept out of the hands of the cardigan wearers.

Nigel Farage would be the president, with Arron Banks the chairman and cheque signer. Richard Tice of Leave Means Leave is also being tipped for a senior role. All in all, the idea is to have a centrally controlled organisation where the fruitcakes and loonies are expected to cheer the policies that emerge from the central committee's deliberations. Those deliberations would be aided by focus groups a la New Labour under Tony Blair.

UKIP probably should have shut up shop after the referendum victory as their reason to exist came to an end. That the debate is now between hard and soft Brexit is also clear, so the need for a pressure group that will push for the hardcore version is also pretty obvious. 

That said, given the utter chaos that is British politics today, quite where all this will end up is anyone's guess.

What Are the Chances of Another EU Referendum?

God knows what was going through Nigel Farage's mind today when he got all loose-lipped over the possibility of yet another EU referendum. It is obvious that his remarks were in the context of doing in the Federasts once and for all and leaving them whining piteously for another generation at least, but that is not the point. By coming out with those remarks he has given the impression that he supports another plebiscite, and all the clarification in the world isn't going to alter that. Remember that your average Federast is also a fantasist, so when Farage was spotted in the German consulate soon after the 2016 vote, that meant that he must be applying for German nationality. 

As I write, the sexually self-sufficient members of the polyocracy who form the Guardian's decreasing readership are wanking dementedly over the prospect of another referendum. Being thick as pigshit they have skipped over the bit about how they actually get the vote and are talking about what the rules will be, how they will campaign and what level of turnout they expect to see.

I am reminded of an old recipe for jugged hare that began: "First catch your hare," and with that in mind, let's look at the hurdles that would have to be gone through to get another referendum called.

First of all, Parliament would have to vote for it. MPs, most of whom come from divisions that voted for Brexit will have to put all that aside and vote to ignore the will of the people as freely expressed in 2016.

Now, the first two votes came about because the issue could not be resolved or even contained within the party system, so Labour in 1975 and then the Tories in 2016 handed the broad choice of remain or leave to the people. The second vote was helped along by the fact that the flanks of both major parties were in danger of being turned by UKIP.

To get to the stage of even thinking about a referendum, the governing party's internal feuding has to be such that it becomes the least worst option. I don't see that happening with the Tories being pretty much united in pushing for Brexit. Come to think of it, so are Labour, since they know that most of their seats are in the Brexit heartland. So we have a broad measure of consensus that leaving the EU is something that will happen in March 2019. That consensus has been helped by the fact that UKIP are in the doldrums, and once we are out of the EU, will probably cease to exist.

So, there is no discernable mood in Westminster for another referendum, but could the MPs be pushed into it by outside agitation?

As far as the people are concerned, outside the ranks of the Guardian-reading wankerati the EU is not a topic for debate, with some Labour MPs reporting that the only voices they hear about it are from the large numbers of their constituents who want to know why it is still being discussed and why we are not out by now.

The Federasts have tried to organise marches ever since their arses were handed to them on a plate in 2016, and even promised us an autumn of discontent last year, but if you look at the nice, middle-class people who turn out for them then you will quickly realise that such poncy types are hardly likely to put the wind up any government.

None of this is to say that we should not be prepared to swing into action if another referendum is called, and we have to keep an eye on the Federasts and oppose their wicked schemes for the rest of this year.

That said, the chances of another vote are small to miniscule so we don't need to worry too much.

Memes and Their Meanings

As you can probably tell from my recent posts I have discovered the delights of memes. It came about because I created and then sent the above delight to one of my sons, who then congratulated me on finally getting it as far as today's youth are concerned.

To be honest, I don't really want to get down wid da yoof, but I have to accept that the days of long, lyrical essays are probably over, and if a photo and caption can capture an idea then I'll go for it. 

So, I shall now introduce each post with a meme, if I think on. This blog is still my toy when all is said and done.

Right, let's talk about the dress that the girl is wearing. I reckon the colour is light green - what do you think?

Whatever Happened to the Anti-Brexit Autumn of Discontent?

Do you remember back in September 2017 when we were promised an Autumn of Discontent by the Federasts? That's right, they were going to march, demonstrate and so scare the living shit out of the government that Brexit would be reversed.

Actually, during the whole year, all they could manage was a few wanky marches that were basically competitions to see who could have the wittiest slogans on their hand-made placards.

Those displays of sexual self-sufficiency were always on Saturday 'cos, you know, they really wanted to overthrow the existing order, but they were running out of holidays for that year and they were really looking forward to going to Klosters for the skiing over Christmas.

Here in Edinburgh, I shot a video of one march as the well-dressed, well-fed marchers strolled down the street with their kids and grandkids along with them for the ride. I am sure that the Polish nannies appreciated the day off, as I said at the time.

So nothing happened, just as nothing ever happens when the middle-class are on their own.

And that is why we will leave the European Union next year! 

Now the Brexiteers Have Started the Great Beer Battle!

Here's another opportunity to stick the boot into the Federasts, get them all shouty, and give them an opportunity to tell us how clever they are before leaving them to feel like dogshit yet again. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the great beer battle!

Back in 2006, the EU insisted that the official mark of measure on a drinking glass be the "CE" symbol, rather than the Crown mark that had been there for over 300 years. Someone has started a petition to restore the Crown to our beer pots and this blog is happy to support that worthy aim.

The fun thing here is that various Federast types are now coming along and getting all shouty as they tell us that there is nothing to stop us having the Crown on our beer pots. They then tend to go on and tell us how clever they are and, well, you know the rest.

As is the case with the Federasts, they are actually very stupid or very disingenuous. I reckon the former, but never mind that, now. It is true that the Crown symbol could be on the pots, but only as a decoration, not the official mark of measure. That would remain as the CE symbol, and it is that which we wish to give the two-fingered salute to. 

Now, when we leave the EU just next year, the CE symbol would go, anyway, but there is no harm in supporting this cause as it gets the Federasts all would up and telling porkies about symbols as you can see if you scroll through the load of old wank that they are coming out with.

It's a bit like the passport row. Yes, we could have kept the dark blue passports, but they would still have to have had the words European Union above the Crown and it is that symbol of subjugation that we reject.

It's also good fun to wind the Federast fuckers up!

After the Passport Victory It's Time We Waged the Stamp War!

It is true that a commemorative set of stamps was issued in 1973 when we entered the old EEC, the forerunner to the EU that we are going to leave next year. Here they are if you can't remember what they looked like:

It is also true that a certain Miss Margot James MP, the Business Minister responsible for philatelic matters has announced that a commemorative set to celebrate our Brexit would be "divisive," and is therefore not on the cards.

Genial old Uncle Ken thinks that this provides us with a perfect opportunity to mobile our base, win another victory and leave our Federast enemies feeling yet again like something that the dog has puked up on the street, so let's got for it.

Britain must have commemorative stamps to celebrate our victory over the forces of bourgeois reaction and metropolitan freakery!

Symbolism is important. That was a point that I made last month when it was announced that we were getting our UK passports back starting at the end of March next year. The Federasts howled and screamed about that and went into yet another very engaging meltdown online, and the end result of all that was to remind the majority of the British people just how much the Federasts hate us.

That solidified our army and made them more determined not to enter into any negotiations with the Federasts over any idea of a soft Brexit. If you think about it, joining the European Free Frade Association would have been a perfect fallback position for the Remain side after their defeat and it was something that many Brexiteers would have gone along with. That is probably off the table, now, thanks to the stupidity of the Federasts and their strategy of demonising us as being people who are beneath them in the intelligence stakes.

So let's start the Stamp War, shall we? I know it is basically a rerun of the Passport War, but as I pointed out in my last posting on this here blog, the Federasts are the stupid ones and they probably won't realise that. Instead, they will get all worked up about how bovine we are when we talk about such trivia as stamps, and their hysterical attacks will help ensure the unity of our side as we head into the next phase of the post-Brexit era and the culture wars that are about to begin.

Let's Maximise Federast Humiliation in 2018

2017 was a good year to sip the finest liqueur that was distilled from the copious salty tears of the weeping Federasts, chilled as it was with the finest of melting snowflakes. Now let's make 2018 the year of maximum humiliation for them, as we bring them face to face with the reality that they lose because they are so stupid that they think they are clever.

One trick I love to pull is to tell them the simple honest truth about myself and my sons. It is true that Spanish is my second language. It is also true that all of my sons are native Spanish speakers, born to native Spanish-speaking mothers during the long years that I spent abroad.

Now, I don't think that there is anything to misunderstand in any of that, do you? That's 'cos we are not Federasts, so take a look at this as a case in point:

Poor Matt Westwood - once he realised that he had been made to look a right pillock he blocked me on Facebook and vanished from my sight, never to be seen again.

If you think that he is the exception, then I have to tell you that he is the Federast rule. Take this, also from Facebook, and just the other day:

Mark Roberts also did a runner once he realised that I was leading by the nose to the punchline, but it is hardly my fault that your Federast has a problem with the old reading comprehension, is it? I never said my sons were Spanish, only that they were Spanish speakers...

I also like to tell Federasts another truth, which is that I left school at 15. Actually, since the school year ends in July and my birthday is in August I was still only 14 when I stopped providing a cushy number for the teaching trade one Friday and started bastard work the following Monday, but let's not confuse the poor little snowflakes. I left school at 15, let's leave it at that.

Usually at least one thick as pigshit poly wallah, and rest assured they usually are poly wallahs, will come along at that point and tell me that the reason I voted Leave is that I am uneducated. Please consider this exchange as an example of the genre:

To this day I do not have an O-Level or A-Level to my name since I did leave school at the age of 15, but I do have a diploma from Ruskin College, Oxford, and a degree from the University of Manchester. That's the real university of Manchester, by the way, not the wanky old poly that is allowed to degrade the name university. As for the "University" of Staffordshire and places like that, it's best not to get me started...

So, as you can see, it's easy to humiliate the Federasts and when you do, don't forget to take screenshots of the exchanges so that when you get bored one dark, January day you can dig 'em out and repost them, just for jollies.

So, as we head into 2018 it's worth remembering that you never hit a man when he is down, and your Federast is certainly down right now. What you do is kick his fucking head in and leave him whimpering on the ground. 

Come on the Brexiteers: up and at 'em!

Happy 2018: We Leave the EU Next Year!

This is gonna be the reaction of more than one Federast when they realise that it is now 2018 and we leave the European Union next year!

To the rest of you, the damn near seventeen and a half million of you who voted to make people like this feel like the dogshit that they are, all I can say is:

Happy New Year!