Labour's 40-40 election plan explained as a sex romp

 Labour's plan for the election is called 40-40, which means one policy discussed in each of the forty days between now and the election on the 7th May. It was elaborated for me in wonderfully pornographic terms by a Labour figure as being a bit like a bout of incredible sex.

Today marks the start of the slow, steady commanding thursts. Each one starting at the cockhead, and then driving in to the hilt so that the filly can feel the power, and forget all about all the other limp dicks who also want to ride her.

The tempo increases and the killing strokes begin as we thrust manfully into her yielding, willing, electoral flesh. Labour then puts spurs and crop to the electoral filly as the bugle sounds for the final charge.

Then on election day she rakes our back with her nails, her head rocking from side to side as she screams: "Yes! Yes! I'll vote Labour!"